As you know about me by now, before I ever birthed two humans, I was made a stepmom by four amazing kids. My husband and I started dating when his children were 1, 3, 5, and 9. They are now 10, 12, 14 and 18, and their mother moves often, but generally lives half a country away. They get to see her throughout the year for various breaks, but their longest visit is always summer time, often leaving us soon after school is out and returning no more than two weeks before school begins again. I used to think of us as “summer empty nesters,” because we were kidless during this time. Of course, since then, we’ve added two tiny humans and a few other things have changed.
While my husband and I are now pros at this shared schedule and have “gotten used to it” after years of practice, it doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye for six plus weeks to the little people who carry a piece of my heart with them when they go.
New challenges present themselves every year. This year, for example, we have a brand new baby who I fear is going to miss out on important sibling bonding in her first few months of life. We have a family memorial service planned for my grandmother (the kids’ “Great Nana”) who passed away recently that they will not be able to attend. Finally, our oldest is moving out on her own, so when her siblings return she likely won’t even live in the same house as them anymore.
We’re doing all we can to cope with the challenges each year. I remind myself that a few weeks of “missed bonding time” will never overshadow the many months and years our kids will have together, just as it didn’t when Amelia was a baby and her big brother and sisters went away for weeks at a time. When they returned she was just glad to have her best friends back again. A family member planned a zoom memorial BINGO game with my cousins and their children so that all of the kids can be a part of their Great Nana’s memorial. And finally, I reminded myself and the kids that their biggest sister is only moving houses, not towns or cities or states away, and we’ve already talked about sleepovers at her place when they return. Let’s be honest. She will likely be over often for laundry and food (I hope!).
and some sisterly love (below)
One unexpected challenge this year was my stepson choosing to stay home with us. I get it. He’s fourteen. His life is here – his bed, his friends, his video games, his home, his routine. His dad. When our oldest was his age she made the same choice for similar reasons. It was not totally unexpected, though maybe sooner than we saw coming. Don’t think the challenge here is him being home — far from it! Noel is the sweetest son a momma could hope for, even if he’s a typical teenage boy. I’m blessed to have him in my life, and my youngest daughters are blessed to have their “bro-bro” home with them this summer.
The unexpected challenge was him and his younger sisters being apart for the summer. Man, siblings will pick on each other, fight and “tattle” endlessly for years, but the truth is they belong together. I know it was hard for him to choose to be apart from his sisters, and it was obviously hard for them to say goodbye to him when they left. There were tears and hugs — LOTS of hugs. I’m so lucky that our kids love each other so much, but at the moment when they were saying goodbye to each other I wished they liked each other a little less, because it was painful. If you’re wondering what our kids will be doing “at 3 PM eastern time, every day, for the whole summer,” it’s video-chatting with each other. Thank God for modern technology.
I’m sure this summer won’t be the last of new challenges we face as a blended family. I dread the day when Amelia and Adeline are older and can voice their dissatisfaction with their older siblings not being with them for a Christmas holiday or summer break. It will break my heart all over again. But this is parenting, it’s not for the weak.
